


Good Omens? Not with these idiots at the helm...

by Altered_Karma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angel!Aobajousai, Book GO not TV, Demon!Karasuno, Good Omens AU, M/M, Voice/Style Experiment, angel!kageyama, demon!hinata, in that I'm trying to combine my own voice with G&P's, loosely follows the Good Omens plot but obviously I do my own thing, volleyball idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Altered_Karma/pseuds/Altered_Karma
Summary: Heaven and Hell have decided: it's time for the end of the world. It's been a good 6000 years, but it's time for something fresh and new. They're desperate enough for it to happen, that they pick the worst possible (or best possible, depending on whether or not one is interested in humanity surviving the literal end of the world) agents to follow through.Unfortunately, the best laid ineffable plans of Heaven and Hell often go awry in the hands of two (or eleven or twenty or a hundred, but mostly two) volleyball idiots.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33
Collections: Haikyuu!! AU BigBang 2019





	1. Prologue

It was a very nice day, but then, the world up to that point had been full of nice days. 

Then again, what any of the beings in existence at that present moment considered “nice” might differ from what you or I might consider nice, but this isn’t our story, now, is it?

It’s theirs.

The serpent watched as yet another storm brewed on the western horizon of Eden, and said to its angel companion, “Ne, Bakageyama-”

“Don’t call me that, you stupid snake.” A beat passes. “And don’t talk to me, I’m on duty.”

“Aw, man, don’t be like that.” The snake slithered further up the tree that had grown through the stones of the eastern wall to Eden. “You know you love me. A-ny-ways, I was just thinking-”

“Was it difficult? With a brain the size of my little finger like you possess?”

“ _ I was thinking _ , the others always go on about ineffability. It’s always ineffability this, ineffable greatness that, ineffable plan, but I don’t know what that means? And nobody explains it to me, even when I ask. What’s it about, anyways, this ineffability of yours?”

The angel paced robotically - not that robots existed yet, they had about 5900 years to go before man made other people that think for themselves, but being like they are they get to peek into the future on occasion, and the serpent thought robots were cool - to the other side of the wall and faced away from the snake. At first the angel thinks that the bastard is just ignoring its question, but when the snake slithered over to pester an answer out of the frumpy asshole, it instead found the angel’s face screwed up and red with some sort of constipernation (or some stupid smart person word like that.) Having promptly adopted a different and more appropriate form, the demon began crowing and cawing and generally making a nuisance with its joy. “You don’t know what it means either! You, an angel, haven’t the slightest as to what ineffable means!” 

The angel’s shoulders rose inch by inch until they nearly swallowed his ears whole. As the crow-demon continued, well, crowing, the angel finally felt fed up enough to whirl on the thing. “Neither do you, idiot!”

“Shut up, I already said that! It’s why I’m asking your sorry feathered butt!”

“Fool!”

“Stupidhead!”

“Idiot!”

“You already used that one!” The crow transitioned once more into a snake and stuck its tongue out tauntingly. “And you’ll have to run me through with the stupid flaming sword of yours if you want me to shut up about it!”

The angel froze once more, and then paced back to his original position.

The snake watched him go curiously. “What? What did I say?” It rolled its previous sentence around its mouth cautiously, then ventured, “Sword?”

The angel flinched, and a few black feathers shook themselves onto the ground.

“Yeah, I remember it, it flamed like anything.”

“...”

“Whatever happened to it? I don’t see it with you now?”

“I… tossed it.”

“You  _ what _ ?!”

“I tossed it, okay? There were some of Their creations down there, suffering in the cold and at risk of death by Their other beasts, and I couldn’t be seen giving it to them, so I tossed it to them.”

They sat together in silence and contemplated that as a curtain of rain swept over the land. The angel shifted from foot to foot, and cast furtive glances at his companion. Finally, he opened his mouth. “...Do you think that was the right thing to do?”

The snake hissed. “You’re an angel; I don’t know if you can do the wrong thing.” Even the snake isn’t sure if he’s being serious or not, but the angel must believe him.

“Thanks, idiot.”

“Sure thing, loser.”

It looked, in that moment, like the good days would go on forever. 

Too bad that isn't how They operate.


	2. Chapter 2

Anyone who might be consulted on the manner would offer you differing opinions on the origins of the planet and the stars and the universe, and what party was responsible for its creation, perpetuation, blah blah blah. You know this, so we’ll spare you the gritty details. 

The bottom line, though, was that whether any of those parties should be correct or incorrect on the whole, one part of them, the ones prone to fanaticism wouldn’t you know it, were correct on one count. And that would be that there were, in fact, higher powers what flitted about and generally messed with humanity’s day to day shenanigans. 

Have you ever seen one of those delightful home videos, where a man squishes a spider, and ten thousand little ones all come rushing out? You can blame that on higher powers, particularly on the ones who liked to make everyone’s days just that little bit more difficult. 

What about the one where a racecar driver comes unscathed out of an accident? You guessed it, higher powers.

Now, whether you were correct about which higher power had acted, was another story. Heaven, at times, has a very ill sense of humor, and killing one of Their precious lifeforms seemed like to perfect crime to admonish via ten thousand more. 

“That oughtta teach you to kill my Parent’s creatures, bwahahaha!”

Or likewise, that it was in fact Hell that rewarded the racecar driver – “But really, racecar driving? I’d like to find the demon who thought of that and shake his hand, then scold him for causing plenty of good reckless sinners to die in pointless accidents!” – for said reckless behavior by leaving him alive to pursue yet more reckless behavior, and to inspire others to do the same. 

No, I don’t believe the fanatics would have believed that in the slightest. 

But nevertheless, they were correct about the interference of higher powers, so huzzah, they have bragging rights for all of twenty minutes until they abuse them. Hmmm, perhaps there’s someone around who could capitalize upon such opportune soul-tarnishing?

A demon somewhere sneezed, and looked around for the holy water.

In another part of the world, it was perhaps the most appropriate thing, and the most inappropriate of things, for discussions of grave matters to be held in a graveyard. 

Two figures who only wish they could lurk so well as the legendary Dukes of Hell, who were reportedly enjoying a vacation in Alaska given that climate change had warmed the usually frigid place up to the Devil’s preferred temperature, were lounging instead around a small graveyard in the middle of nowhere, Japan. The graves here were weathered and soulless, with no one to care for them for decades, but the two would-be lurkers settled in quite comfortably in this abandoned little hamlet. Between them, they clutched a precious bundle of evil and sin incarnate. The bundle was silent and judging, but make no mistake, it was most certainly evil.

Evil incarnate sneezed at a passing dandelion.

“He’s late.” The one demon commented to his fellow. 

“It’s only natural that he’s late, dear, what sort of demon would be on time to anything?”

The other huffed. “Still, there’s reasonably late and then there’s just rude.” He lazily raised on finger to pick at the claws sprouting from his fingertips. “We still have places to be before the end of the world, you know.”

“Yes, Daichi, I’m aware.”

“Sorry I’m late!” A massive, unusually obsidian crow alighted upon one of the graves, and whether it pecked its impromptu perch quickly in apology or abuse, not even the crow was certain.

The demon known as Daichi marched up to the new arrival, newer even than the infant, as it transitioned from a crow into a human being. We won’t say boy, but we can’t say man, so for now just imagine a young male with a crown of fluffy orange hair and yellow human irises with split pupils. And clothing, of course, they’re demons, not heathens. 

“I was trying to renavigate a construction company into working earlier hours, but the people in that neighborhood get up so early that it doesn’t bother them, if they can even hear the noise! Why is causing people difficulty so… difficult?” 

The demon, who preferred to go by the name of Hinata Shouyou on the surface, was one of Hell’s most inconsistent unmiracle workers. He had, in the past hundred years or so, come up with a number of extremely successful and extremely unsuccessful plans for gathering up human souls, with his most recent success-failure being the cash card. 

Hell’s Schrodinger decoy, some called him. 

“Because one of humankind’s greatest skills and greatest flaws is their adaptability. Now, then, we have a job for you.” Suga holds a hand out to prevent the passing of the basket of sin incarnate. 

“It should be quick, but if it takes some time, don’t worry about coming back to report.” The demon pulled back the blanket and coos at the bundle inside. Suga’s brown eyes flash with mischief and danger both. “If it takes years, even, that’s fine too.”

Hinata’s head tilted and his face screwed up. “I don’t get it?”

“We need you to deliver the antichrist.”

The small demon’s eyes widened, and one would not be thought of as unusual if they screamed in fright from the way one of them fell out of his eye socket; he quickly stooped to return it, but the damage had been done. “Woah, that’s the boss’ son?”

“No, just some infant he chose to be the antichrist. The boss doesn’t  _ do _ kids, remember?”

“Goes against all sorts of health code regulations, having a kid down in Hell. Plus, the folks upstairs might take issue.” 

“Anyways, your job is to take him to the hospital, the one management downstairs has filled with our own people, and swap him out with one of the other children being born there. Think you can do that?”

The crow demon still peered suspiciously at the infant. “And when he gets older… That’s it?”

The silver-haired demon smiled the sort of smile that one must never trust but unwittingly does so every time, highlighted by that same mischief in his eyes. “Yep! That’s the end! Nothing, absolutely nothing at all can prevent it.” His partner was giving him the stink-eye with some apprehension. 

Hinata carefully accepted the bundle, and against his better judgement, shifted the blanket aside for a peek at the End of the World.

The End of the World slept peacefully on, with a tuft of blond hair settled atop his head. 

Daichi cleared his throat. “Well then. We have a church set up in Northern Japan, where you’re going to do the exchange. You’ll get the details from someone higher up on the way. Just sign here.”

Hinata crowed with an entirely inappropriate level of joy for such a gruesome and daunting task as setting about the Apocalypse, as he drew his finger over the line. It glowed a warm, friendly orange - which is utterly unsuited for a demon of the Devil, but what can one do? - before fading into the paper. “Oh, are they gonna send a robot to tell me? Or, or, a volleyball god?”

“No.”

“Aww… That would’ve been so cool…” The smallest demon shifted his form from that of a boy to that of a stork, then secured the baby-carriage in its beak, careful with it as though it could explode at any moment; in a manner of speaking, it could. “Well, it’s pretty far, right? I’d better get going.”

The other demons watched him take flight. 

“You know, against all odds,” Suga chirped brightly. “I trust him to get the job done.”

“Mm.”

It’d be quite the normal world, if these particular demons could go around distrusting one another like they’re meant to. Instead, we ended up with a mess like this. There might be something to be said about the ineffable nature of the multiverse, but this story isn’t about that; no, we’ll save that story for a different time.

“Ah, they grow up so fast.”

“Suga, he’s been around since the beginning.”

The silver-haired demon slapped his arm a little harder than necessary. “That’s besides the point!” 

The stork has, by this point, gotten well away from the bickering duo, and had not heard the exchange. Instead, his pea-sized brain was being assaulted by a truly terrible rendition of Mitsubachi with the words changed out.

_ HELLO, YOU EXCITABLE LITTLE MONSTER! _

“Noya-senpai! You’re giving me my orders?”

_ WE ARE DUKES OF HELL, YOU WONDERFUL LITTLE ASSHOLE. ANYWAYS, YOU’VE GOT ONE JOB, AND WE’RE ALL EXPECTING BIG THINGS FROM YOU. _

“Sure thing, Tanaka-senpai! Just leave it to me.” 

_ WE WILL. GOOD LUCK LITTLE BUDDY! WE HOPE YOU SUCCEED. _

_ YEAH, WOULDN’T WANT TO NEED TO DO A JAILBREAK FOR OUR FAVORITE LITTLE BIRD! _

And then, Hinata dropped a couple hundred feet towards the earth, as the information dump regarding his newest assignment literally brought him back to earth. It’s quite the overwhelming experience, to have all that you need to know ported directly into your brain, and Hinata wasn’t frankly built to handle it. 

All the time he’d spent around humans had probably decreased his capacity for dealing with the powers that be. He’s too used to making decisions for himself to really handle such detailed orders; he knows, after all, how to kidnap babies. 

Kageyama was an asshole, and an angel besides, but he had made some good points when they discussed things over the crusades a thousand years ago. Hinata had been marvelling at the capacity for destruction and evil the Byzantines had been perpetrating about a thousand years ago. 

How can people claim to be on your side and yet so clearly belong to mine? Hinata had asked, as he watched the battlefield become soaked with the blood of the ‘virtuous.’

_ Well, obviously, it’s because they chose to do so, and are deluding themselves. Obviously just because my side put out a how-to manual of virtue doesn’t mean they’re going to follow it to the letter. Besides, after that one fellow said they could pray and confess their sins away, they’ve been rubbish at keeping stuff up to snuff _ , Kageyama had said. He frowned at one of his brethren whispering in the ears of the Catholic generals, and the way it sent them roaring forward into battle once again.

_ Well, are they? Yours, I mean. _

Kageyama’s nose had scrunched up, wrinkles formed at the bridge.  _ Well, they’ve got to have the choice to be or not. That’s what it means to be ineffable, to be truly divine or truly evil. _ They both watched as the soul of a truly violent European tarnishes to darkness as he repeatedly stabs his fallen opponent, until a spear in his back finally brings him down. An agent of Death collects the soul that rises, and it dives into the earth with the man in its clutches.  _ Supposed to be _ , Kageyama had continued after a long moment of silence,  _ supposed to be that the worse you have it, the more chances you have to make virtuous decisions. Didn’t matter if things were equally there was a progressive wave of opportunities the lower you were born _ .

_ Supposed to be?  _

Kageyama nodded, discomfited and unable to put to breath why.

Hinata harrumphed and knocked an arrow headed for his head out of the air; had it connected, it might’ve lit aflame and then the Muslims would’ve had bigger problems. _ Sounds to me like that’s stupid. _

The demon ignored the angel’s look of affront; they’ve shared too many barbs over the years to really care all that much.  _ Do tell? _

_ Doesn’t matter about opportunity if it costs you more. You start in a mud shack, any sacrifice you make is going to hurt you more; skipping one meal will be harder on you. Your lot is trying to tally a person’s worth by the intent of their actions while ignoring the impact of those decisions. _

_ You’d tally by sacrifice, then? _

Hinata huffed _. I just don’t see the point in tallying at all? If we can keep track anyways, just wait until the end. Don’t weigh on a balance all the while. You angels always make things too complicated. _

The angel had snarled _ , you demons are simplistic and entirely too barbaric.  _ But he grew quiet and thoughtful afterwards, so Hinata had assumed he’d made his point.

Centuries, almost a full millennia later and in the middle of trying to make Japan as obnoxious to travel as he could, Hinata had grabbed  _ Rashoumon  _ off the book shelves and flown as quickly as he could to where Kageyama was based. He gleefully shoved the novel in the other man’s face.  _ This human gets it! _ He had cried. The angel had then devoured the book and ignored him for four years. 

Now, a century after Akutagawa’s Rashoumon had come out, there was an anime about him. Neither Hinata nor Kageyama had watched it, they swear. Nor did they talk to people online about it, or visit the merchandise stores surfacing all over Japan, no siree. 

The following events detail the beginning of the end of The End, for our plucky antagonist - or is it protagonist? He is the main character, even if he is a “bad guy.” But then, what makes him a bad guy? And who decided that? Is that even fair, to call someone only fulfilling the meaning of his existence as he’s meant to evil? Hinata has spent a long time thinking on this - makes three fundamental errors in his handling of The End of the World.

Hinata landed in the little Miyagi temple that had been chosen for the switch. Nominally a temple to the god of the local forest, over the years it had been converted from a christian church when the missionaries came over to a Satanist church by way of subversive propaganda. Hinata hadn’t actually had a hand in this one, so he was unfamiliar with the staffing, but when he landed and returned to human form, a man stepped out.

Priest Takeru was extremely nervous to have been selected for this job. He’s going to be a key component in the exchange of the  _ Antichrist _ ! He was to help start the  _ end of the world _ ! If only his parents could see him now! But they’d left the Satanist order Takeru still worked in when they saw that being an Evangelist paid better. 

He hoped they were enjoying the States while they lasted. 

He sent down a brief prayer for their souls, and then focused on task, because the small orange man wielding a basket had just touched down upon the not-yet scorched earth, with a hellfire in his eyes that spoke of  _ purpose _ . 

Takeru gulped. 

How cool!

In spite of the demon’s serious demeanor, he hopped up to the church with a happy smile on his face, bright as the burning sun overhead and deceptively pleasant. Takeru wondered, in the seconds that passed as the demon approached, whether Death looked upon its victims with such pleasantry.

And then the demon was upon him, and he could wonder no more. 

“Hello~!” The orange-haired demon crows. The demon winked at him, leaving Takeru baffled and flushed for reasons he can’t quite name. “I’m Hinata, the guy they sent from the detail?”

“Yes, yes, welcome! Things have just gotten started; you’re right on time. Is this the Child?” 

Hinata the demon pouted, petulant and wicked in a way that doesn’t suit his sweet face. Ah, that’s what the weird feeling was; Hinata was like a sunburn, pleasant until you step into hot water and realize you’ve made a mistake by foregoing the sunblock. “Who else would he be?”

Takeru bustled them in before the cold could fully invade the church. “Of course, of course, my apologies. Who else would it be indeed? I’m just excited and exhilarated and nervous all wrapped up into one. May I see him?” 

He led the way into the preparation room, where his fellow Satanists work with the children they’ve recently delivered. He can see the empty bassinet already mistakenly - or correctly, depending upon how one looked at the situation - labelled for the English ambassador’s son, to which they take the wicker basket. With reverence, Takeru removed the blanket and gazes upon The End of the World, who had cute, chubby little cheeks and puffs of sunlight hair atop his head. He had awoken at some point and peered around the world with disdainful, silent curiosity, and upon making eye contact with the adult for the first time, dismissed him outright. 

Takeru smiled down at the babe, before placing him into the cradle. “Ah, he’s a smart little one isn’t he?”

Hinata looked at the child again and huffs. “I guess. Where’s the other one?” 

And this is where the first fundamental mistake of the Powers That Be made when they decided that beginning Armageddon was the best decision to be made for the early twenty-first century: they trusted that everything would go as planned and felt confident enough to step away. 

For you see, there were several other babies in the room, and all of them had scrunched up, red little faces. There were several Satanical nurses, too, tending the babes, but the important part was that there were other babies.

As they stepped away from the Antichrist, without speaking to anyone, mind you, they permitted the others to continue their business. So the first mistake was stepping away from the Antichrist. The second? Not telling anyone that today was the day. 

So when a frantic nurse rushed into the nursery with a shoulder-check to the departing duo, wielding the actual child of the English ambassador, who was just as blond as the Antichrist and twice as furious with the potent rage that only the newly born can manage, they thought nothing of it.

Well, that’s not entirely true; Hinata did pause to think that there was more anger at the damned unfair world in that one to actually end the world than had been in the Literal End of The World the entire flight over here, but it was a fleeting thought at best and quickly discarded.

So the poor nurse, carrying the angry child, who we will call Baby A from here on, and desperate to put the wailing bundle down, thought very little of the mislabelled bassinet. Oh, someone had placed the wrong child here? No problem, a quick swaperoo would do just fine.

So this nurse picks up The End of the World and places him down into a separate, unlabelled bassinet, that had been prepared when the Tsukishima family had come in in a panic with a heavily pregnant woman going into labor. 

Only, she can see that the unknown babe has soiled the bassinet, so she places Baby A into  _ another unlabelled  _ basket, and sets about stripping the carriage and moving the whole contraption over to be cleaned.

And then a second nurse walks in,  _ also  _ carrying a frantic, blond child, and seeing all the prepared bassinets empty, cleans the sole remaining basket and installs fresh linens, before putting the Tsukishima’s young boy into the fresh crib, and pushing all three carts back into place, before hurrying to help with a pair of rowdy infants that the sole other nurse is trying to comfort on her lonesome.

Understaffing, one of the most sinister parts of capitalism. A victory for both heaven and hell, to be certain, until it interferes with their ineffable plans.

And really, it’s obvious as to why the three children might be confused with one another at this point. The End of The World, surrounded on both sides by wailing peers, sees that this is the thing that is done in this part of the world and joined the party with his own cries, such that there are now three red-faced infants instead of two criers and one silent child. The only difference betwixt the three is that one of the children happens to be a girl, but when they’re that small such differences hardly matter. With the shrieking and squalling that emanated from all three bassinets, and all three babies proclaiming small blond heads of hair, with no labels and nobody where they’re supposed to be, it’s little wonder that the Antichrist was lost to them. 

Which, of course, makes fundamental mistake number three in starting one’s very own apocalypse: losing the starter of the apocalypse. Three strikes, you’re out!

Thankfully, this story isn’t based off of a baseball manga, and thus the number of mistakes made matters little for the purposes of this story.

So all of this swapping has occurred under the nose of the demon and priest overseeing it, and when they return from viewing the diplomats, they are none the wiser to the change.

Which is why there is little concern when the father of the Tsukishimas and the older son look in upon the Antichrist, because obviously the Antichrist is already being carted away by secret service to the English Embassy, where the Terushimas will spend the next days cooing over their false antichrist. 

Hinata watched the new family cuddle what looks to him to be an insignificant, small child, who wailed as he’s bounced upon the blond man’s knees. 

As for the third baby? Well, you can imagine for her whatever life you like. Freed from the burden of diplomatic parents, she might grow into any number of people. She could be the next leader of Miyagi’s female biker gangs, or

Or she could be a nervous, wilting girl terrified of her own shadow, but that’s really up to you to decide.

The fact of the matter is, this isn’t her story. 

Hinata nudged the new father with all the friendliness he could gather; his part in this wretched plan was over, and now he could begin his own machinations. 

He’s sure Noya-senpai and Tanaka-senpai would understand. 

And hey, if he stuck with this kid, maybe steered him toward the Terushimas, it might be possible for them to guide the kid’s friends into position as the Antichrist’s lieutenants. He had to tell Kageyama, as soon as possible.

And as such, The End of Th- Let’s just call him Tsukishima, alright? The End of The World,  _ pah _ , what a mouthful.

Ahem.

And as such, Tsukishima slipped out of sight of his two potentially forbearing watchers. Had he been older than a few hours of existing, we might even dare to say that his disappearance was all according to plan. 

(Meanwhile, in the dark of the night, an angel and a demon plot to have themselves adopted, and thus plant themselves beside the Tsukishimas to begin their plans to educate the young Terushima.

And if both of them happen to join opposing volleyball teams to try and best the other, well, they don’t have to speak of that, either.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell, this one is gonna be a slow fic. That being said, I have a bunch of gifts and oneshots that will be going up in the near future, so keep your eye out for that!

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the prologue for my HQ BB! Updates will probably be a little sporadic because this one is a challenge piece for me, but it's a fun challenge! Many thanks to [ JordyJor](https://jordy-g21.tumblr.com/) for betaing for me! I really appreciate all their help, and I'm so excited to see the rest of this event's pieces! 
> 
> This is my first HQ piece ever, though I've been lurking as a reader for years. Come say hi on my Tumblr![ altered-karma](https://altered-karma.tumblr.com/)


End file.
